Delayed Grief

Doing some reading today, I learned that 13% of persons who experience a traumatic event suffer delayed grief.  This is to say they show signs of initial coping only to relapse days or even months later.

I took on many new tasks after my wife passed away.  I took new projects and traveled more working long hours believing that filling the void in my life was coping.  I have come to learn that this was a tragic mistake because it catapulted me into delayed grief.  I am part of the 13%.  

One of the key problems with delayed grief is that the feelings that were not properly dealt with only amplify and when they boil to the surface they become far worse.  I am not in a good place.  I am struggling to keep my emotional center and live in constant fear that something else bad is going to happen.

I have tried countless resources and read incessantly trying to find a path out of the darkness.  My colleagues see the change in me and have expressed their worry and concern but unfortunately this journey is mine.  I wish my friends, family and colleagues could pull me out of this.  I am sure they do to.  

I see my Counsellor on Monday and will discuss my despair some more.  I really want to be well but the delayed grief or grief relapse really has me down.  I am terrified for my long term health. I am 51.  There is lots of life left to live.

I hope I get a chance to live a normal life.

Stan