A New Word: Catastrophizing

I learned a new word yesterday:  Catastrophizing.  When negative thoughts are taken to the worst possible outcome, this is called Catastophizing.  Apparently this is a common symptom of Generalized Anxiety Disorder or GAD.

I am now being treated with an anti anxiety medication designed to treat Generalized Anxiety Disorder.  This is described as anxiety that persists for more than 6 months.

Today marks that 14 month anniversary of the death of my wife; the worst day of my life.  Today, like most other days I woke up stuck fearing for the worst.  It is so stressful to wake up in fear.  I have been working on my breathing exercises, the very basic of things a human can control.  It helps but not for long.

“Catastrophic thinking might seem extreme, even silly. But before we know it a situation we’re concerned about becomes a full-blown worst-case scenario.” - a paraphrased quote from psychcentral.com

This is my life now living with a sense of impending doom.  I have taken to prayer as a consolation and I am grateful to have spirituality as a stronghold when my fears overcome my thoughts.  I have been reading everything I can to try to find a solution.

I am working with my psychologist to try techniques like capturing the negative thoughts, putting them in a box and then storing them in a stronghold.  He suggested a C Can.  It has not been strong enough so far.  Things leak out.  Negative thoughts leak out.

I have recently returned to journaling as a coping mechanism.  Writing has been a passion of mine.  I used to do it for recreation writing fan fiction and science fiction but my recent anxiety has robbed me of my creativity so this is now my outlet.

I pray everyday that my mind returns to a state of normalcy.  I beg for it.  I hope it will come.

One of the posts I read recently suggested picking a theme song for this point in your life...

I have chosen, “The Man I Used To Be” by K-Os.

I hope to find him one day.

Stan